The Insight Coaching Academy
A 5-month apprenticeship focused on developing the habit of creating clients and coaching powerfully
Welcome to Week 18 of the ICA!
Can you believe how fast the nearly 5 months has gone?
Michael Neill’s Supercoach Series - The Difference That Makes The Difference In Relationships
The difference that makes the difference in relationships, Michael believes, is connection. Most relationships that are great are great because there’s a shared feeling of being “in the game” together.
The difference in equality is the difference in the level of connection and intimacy we feel with the other person.
The way that we often think about connection is that it’s this thing between us. But what Michael proposes is that we’re already connected—we’re already of the same energy. And the truth is that the goal of connecting with another person is based on ego—based on the false idea that we’re separate—when in reality we’re One.
The question then is, “If we’re already connected to people, why do we feel disconnected?”
And “why don’t we always always feel the Oneness?”
The answer is that we’re human, and therefore we think…
In relationships, we tend to spend most of our time in relationship with our thinking about the person or even about something else, rather than just being present with them without very much on our mind…
Because it’s during that time of being present with another human being without so much on our mind when we notice that we’re already connected—that we’re already One and of this same energy and aliveness.
This is connecting soul to soul, and in such a way that we fall in love with someone—fall in love in the sense that we’re in the energy and the space of someone. That’s what it means to “be in love.”
Rather than actually being in this space, we tend to fall in love with our thinking—we’re in our thoughts.
So the idea with relationships is to begin to notice how you are different in relationship to different people and how your relationship begins to change as you notice this difference and start being more present.
How To Ask For What You Want
What Michael told his client is so powerful…
“I’m really sorry. But I’ve realized that everything I said to you doesn’t help me, so can we try again?”
Michael says that people struggle to ask for help because they don’t like the idea of being dependent. But the reality is that we’re dependent on others in every way.
He points out that it takes many, many people to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, considering the people involved in making the bread and jelly and peanut butter and all that has to happen for us to be able to put the sandwich together.
When you start to see how interdependent we all are for everything, asking for help stops seeming like a big deal because everything we do is dependent on the help of others.
When you slow down and see just how dependent you are, you realize that being able to ask for assistance is a fundamental aspect of getting anything done in the world.
So then the question is, “What stops us?”
And the highest truth is that we have thoughts in our head that seem real, and they make it feel uncomfortable (because we feel thought) to ask for something.
Then one of the most common thoughts is “I don’t know who to ask,” but we can just Google it. We can just use our in-the-moment responsive intelligence to guide us, but we end up psyching ourselves out.
The second thought is “I don’t know how to do it,” which is the same thing. And the truth is that we are going to figure out “how to” by doing it or Googling it.
The final thought is “who am I to ask them?” And the reality is that the hierarchies (us being higher or lower than them) are only made up in our mind/thoughts.
So we have two choices…
We either allow thought to keep us stuck, or we let thought go and we move in the direction of what we want.
Now when you’re making a request, consider if it’s clean and clear. Do you know what you’re asking for? What would be really useful? What would I really value?
Remember that the only answers are yes, no, or maybe. And the lie we believe is that a “no” is a personal rejection and a “yes” is a personal validation. Then the more we make it about us, the more of a big deal we make of it the next time we want to ask.
Another truth is that we don’t ask because we assume OUR thoughts are THEIR thoughts, but we live in separate realities. This is very important to think about.
The secret, according to Michael, of asking anybody for anything it not to talk yourself out of it before you do so.
Remember as well to ask yourself, “Do I want to?” “Do I want to ask?” And if the answer is “yes” then your in-the-moment responsive intelligence will guide you.
And finally, remember that you can have anything you want in life, you just have to want it. In the context of asking, you just have to really want their help.
Bright Shiny Object Syndrome - A Common Professional Coaches Disorder
This short video by Carolyn Freyer-Jones is extremely pertinent for all of us!
You’ll see :)
Rich Litvin Team - We Can Get You Any Client
Watch Giovanna Capozza, one of Rich’s Lead Coaches, coach “high performers.”
Among many other things, this video offers a great example of the resistance that occurs when you’re going for NO, but you’re actually not all the way in.
You’ll also see Giovanna explain that using the automatic calendars does not work well. Rich calls what we do “High Touch,” meaning there’s an extraordinary amount of interaction as well as care.
I highly recommend you schedule the calls and say, “I have 1 PM open this Wednesday and 6 PM open on this Thursday. Which would you like?”
And if you have to go back and forth a couple or even a few times it’s fine because it’s worth it. It works, whereas allowing people to schedule the call using an automatic calendar, in my experience, doesn’t work very well. People regularly don’t schedule the calls.
Rich Litvin Deep Coaching Masterclass @ Mindvalley U
In this video, Rich brings two participants on stage and coaches them.
You will hear him talk about The Perfect System, a coaching tool we covered last week.
You will also hear him talk about his Deep Coaching Scorecard, another amazing tool to help you build your coaching skills through honesty and reflection.
You can download the Scorecard HERE.
It’s worth noting to that compared to many of the coaching sessions we’ve seen Rich lead, his coaching in this one doesn’t seem to have the same effect.
He asks one participant, for example, to share her most powerful insight and she doesn’t have one.
This video, then, is a great example of the fact that not all sessions are as powerful as others, yet we just keep coaching.
Steve Chandler on The Most Powerful Client Attractor
(It’s how good of coach YOU ARE)
Homework is due by the end of this coming Monday night.
Post your weekly reports as well as anything else I assign in the Facebook group, please!
With Referrals, give the gift of your time.
These words… “If you know someone who would benefit from what I do, here’s what I'll do. I will offer them an hour and a half of my time for free and that would be a gift from you.”
My Weekly Report
—Keep taking notes on any insights you or anyone you coach have so that you can share these stories with others later. Sharing stories is a powerful coaching tool.
—How much time did you waste this week when you could have been inviting or creating (just estimate)?
—How are you feeling right now?
—Where do you want to be in one year?
—How many people did you offer the gift of your time in the form of a referral?