Was at the gym this morning, and a personal trainer kept telling his client, “You gotta be relentless! You gotta be relentless!”
As he was saying that, I thought, “What if the guy’s incapable of being relentless?”
Essentially this trainer is a coach, and from my experience coaching, telling someone how they need to be does not work.
This is how most coaches coach, yet they don’t understand that for the most part we already know how we need to be…
We just can’t be it…
We need help, not being told, “You gotta be it!”…
We need help understanding WHY we can’t be it—what’s blocking us.
Perhaps there’s a fear we weren’t aware of...
Or a tendency to self-sabotage…
Or a deep seeded feeling of unworthiness that keeps us from shining in life.
Let me give you an example.
I coached an incredibly talented and intelligent woman. She has a PhD from Harvard.
When we started working together, she said her PhD was not good enough and explained how it keeps her from succeeding.
I asked her a powerful coaching question, which comes from Byron Katie… “Is that thought true?”
She said yes.
I then asked her, “Can you know absolutely that it’s true—that your PhD is not good enough?”
She said no.
I then asked, “How do you react when you believe thought?”
She said that she feels hopeless about her life and her job, and she doesn’t try hard or aspire to be better.
I then asked, “Who would you be without that thought.”
“Happier,” she said. “More inspired.”
So this was just the beginning for her, but the point is that you can’t transform your life until you understand the truth of it…
And radical change comes from insight…
Because when you experience a significant insight, it gives you energy. And it’s from this new energy that a willingness to take massive action arises.
Willingness from some personal trainer saying, “You gotta be relentless” or some life coach saying, “I’m going to hold you accountable” doesn’t last very long.
But the kind of willingness that comes from within does.
Once my client realized that her ability to be happier doesn’t come from how valuable her degree is—it comes from how she thinks about her degree and that SHE’S in control of how she thinks—her life quickly got better.